@mysteryteacher
If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him.
Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest.
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@freedomtosee “If you started at 16 and work until you’re 23.
That would give you 10 years of experience.”
Back to school for you My friend!
@marcusthetoken I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.
@CarpentersCrack I like to stop drinking somewhere between “watch this” and “ohhhhhh shit”.
@AdamBroud Gym Employee: Thats not how you operate that machine, sir.
Me: *Hanging clothes all over treadmill* But this is how I use it at home.
@chrisscarlette We now return to ‘CANADIAN SNIPER’
*canadian sniper shoots an enemy*
*canadian sniper yells ‘sorry’ from far away*
@ClarkSpringheel *Arrives at the barbers*
“I’d like some highlights please”
*Barber puts on video of old haircuts*
@bossy_bootz *leaves the kids w/ a new babysitter
*calls to check on the sitter
@HotBitHoran “Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor”- John joyfully sings as he walks off with the ‘Caution: wet floor’ sign
@English_Channel when you’re a gargoyle but also afraid of heights
