@ThisRebelSoul Imagine meeting the man of your dreams…
and he says, “prolly.”
@jessokfine Amazing that the townspeople didn’t like Belle what with her waking up every day and calling them a bunch of simple idiots
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@ThisRebelSoul 
@Lisabug74 *wins $1000*
To claim your prize, create an account and password.
Ugh this will take forever, nevermind.
@LilNasX wow the language they speak in the uk sounds almost exactly like english
@malt_skull *puts on ice skates*
so.. what am I supposed to do with these again?
*walks over a pizza to slice it*
there has to be a better way
@TheToddWilliams [describing criminal]
“Blond hair and brown eyes and…uh…what’s with the green paint?”
BOB ROSS: There’s always room for a happy little tree.
@CornOnTheGoblin me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone
[doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs?
me: im trying to tell you
@BCMontgo What rhymes with “Your eyes glisten in the sunset like majestic stars”?
I refuse to lose another rap battle!
@LuvPug So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was all —
And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was —And that’s when I knew it wasn’t gonna work out
@DaddyJew Interviewer: what are your future plans?
Me: lunch
Interviewer: I meant long term plans
Me: what, like dinner?
@JoePontillo Traffic was at a standstill until some guy heroically got out of his car, stared into the distance and threw his hands up in disgust. It started moving after that.