@DarkerWillow

Amazon Prime sounds like a great dating site for Super Fierce Cougars.

You Might Also Like

@junejuly12

Tall, fit, great hair, dazzling smile, good with kids, excellent swordsman, right-handed.

~ Captain Hook’s Tinder profile ~

@sarcasticmommy4

My husband offered to make me a mimosa & then said, “Oh, sorry, we don’t have orange juice.”

Me: “That’s fine. I don’t take orange juice in my mimosa.”

@JKNenagh

Who the hell invented Bull Riding?

“Hey, I’m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal…Time me!!!”

@GoodZiIIa

[gets down on one knee]

her: omg

[gets down on two knees]

her: ok…

[gets down on third knee]

her: wtf

@copymama

[My 8yo looking for something]

OMG WHERE IS IT IT’S GONE FOREVER WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT I’LL NEVER FIND IT WHERE COULD IT BE MY LIFE IS RUINED WHYYYYYYY—oh, here it is.

@ArfMeasures

[Cocktail bar]
WAITER: Ok, what are you having?

DATE: The worst night of my life

ME: [scanning menu] haha what a name to give a cocktail

@TheHyyyype

gf: remember, my dad’s really into sports, so talk to him about that

me: will do

[later, meeting girlfriend’s parents]

me: so, sir, jen tells me you’re really into sports

her dad: that’s right

me: why

@CM2BTTHD

My half-brothers had a Hungarian dad and an Eskimo dad. My dad was from Wales. Our dinner table was like the U.N…only with slapping.

@Kyle1092

Did a little self diagnosing over on Web MD and it turns out I’ve been dead since 2006