Just saw a girl wearing a “BAD GAL” t-shirt so I yelled “NO!” & smacked her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
Amazon Review: Ghost costume
Do Not Recommend
Poorly constructed sheet blew away when industrial fan was turned on. I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids.
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My mum tells me that she turns the internet off when she goes to bed, incase you’re wondering why your screen just went blank.
My 4yo just told his fish that he “needs a little space.” Dude, just step away from the tank.
Fastest way to occupy bored kids is to announce we are going to clean
Suddenly they all remember plans they’ve forgotten
*Pokes the bear just to feel alive
*Bear uses bear spray on me
[me giving tour of city landmarks]
and on your left you’ll see a corgi in a bandana—he’s not part of the tour but let’s go get a closer look
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
Email from the PTA tells me if I don’t join, I “will not be allowed inside the school to assist with the children’s class parties” & it’s like whoa whoa whoa threaten me harder.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son’s love, I sometimes think to myself, “This may be the worst prize ever.”
WIFE: Did you sleep with my sister?