American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took “the floor is lava” game way to seriously as kids.

You Might Also Like


Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor


My 7yo was asked what he loves most about his parents:

Mommy is cuddly, likes to dance, and makes yummy cookies.

Daddy is the only one in the family with hair on his face.


When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music” , but when I do it I’m “wasted” and “have to leave the Hardware Store”


Nothing like the dreaded “Mom I missed the bus” text to get you up and moving.


Grab and smash, smash and grab such is time spent in a mammogram



THOR: “here”
IRON MAN: “here”
HULK: “here”

ok Phil how do u keep getting into S.H.I.E.L.D man


A toddler waves his stuffed snow leopard and shouts “tiger!” From my purse, I retrieve my big cat field guide to do the job his parents failed to do.


drank a Mike’s Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?


Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he’s driving them crazy?
Me as a principal: Maybe