[annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?

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Longest English word:



white people eradicated entire populations for spices and yet the bay leaf remains a mystery


I just found that there’s such a thing as a cheese shop and now I’m changing my vacation plans.


All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.


Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a little bit then give up and go look for food..


One time I accidentally listened to a John Mayer song & spontaneously generated 2 thumb rings before it was over.


My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with ‘Star Wars’.

I said: May divorce be with you…


This married couple was eating dinner, he meant to ask his wife for salt, but What came out was, I hate you stupid Bitch you ruined my life