Answering all the ‘how r u’ DM’s with ‘I got my period’ is going surprising well
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[family picnic]
ME: *flipping brats on the grill*
WIFE: have you seen the kids
“Can you tell me what the second to last letter in the alphabet is?”
“Y”
“So I can make a stupid joke”
Personal trainer said we’re going to try some dips today.
I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.
awkward
“Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?” I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.
Apparently the guy next to me and I aren’t even going to discuss who uses this armrest.
“No!”
-An A to Z guide to parenting.
[spelling bee]
judge: your word is “mussel”
me: can you use it in a sentence?
judge: check out the mussels on this fisherman
me: umm
This ebola scare is getting out of hand I just threw ebola at someone who said good morning to me before I had my coffee
Why did they call it ‘Rambo: First Blood Part 2’ instead of ‘Rambo: Second Blood’? That’s some bullshit right there.