January has been Januweary
Any walk can be a walk-of-shame when you’re an adult wearing Crocs™
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I always strip to the waist when I quit a job.
You really only have 2 options:
1. You can be miserable bc you’re fat
2. You can be miserable bc you’re hungry
My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.
Star Wars VII: the force awakens
Star Wars VIII: the force goes out to play
Star Wars IX: goodnight force
[Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary]
Narrator: …the mink, a close relative of the weasel
Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god
Not enough arguments are settled with a dance off.
Him: *looking at 6 empty paper towel rolls, maple syrup, spoons, and a tennis racket on the floor*
Me: There was a spider.
Idk why this guy is alway bitching about his wife, she seems great. When I ate his lunch today the”I love u”note she left him made me smile.
Do you think you’d make a good sniper?
[ ] Yes •
[ ] No •