@RandiLawson
@SirJeremyLondon January has been Januweary
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@SirJeremyLondon 
@WilliamAder I always strip to the waist when I quit a job.
@JessObsess You really only have 2 options:
1. You can be miserable bc you’re fat
2. You can be miserable bc you’re hungry
@ericsshadow My son ran away again, but it gets worse. He changed the wifi password before he left.
@geowizzacist Star Wars VII: the force awakens
Star Wars VIII: the force goes out to play
Star Wars IX: goodnight force
@imdaintyaf [Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary]
Narrator: …the mink, a close relative of the weasel
Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god
@tinytittays Not enough arguments are settled with a dance off.
@AimeeHelene1 Him: *looking at 6 empty paper towel rolls, maple syrup, spoons, and a tennis racket on the floor*
What happened?!
Me: There was a spider.
@imence2 Idk why this guy is alway bitching about his wife, she seems great. When I ate his lunch today the”I love u”note she left him made me smile.
@AndreTheViking Do you think you’d make a good sniper?
[ ] Yes •
[ ] No •
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