@ashdal2012

Anyone else ever wondered how long it would take a giraffe to throw up ?

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@iRowlf

Prank Idea For The Ladies:
Swallow a plastic dinosaur, then make an appointment to get an ultrasound.

@down_thehole

I’m like a fuckin’ origami expert when I’m down to the last sheet of toilet paper.

@MenMusings

The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important.

@SmithWit

Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we’re never going to meet real people ever again.

@Stellacopter

We wouldn’t really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.

@savvystrider

Why do people assume I know all about computers just because I’m from India? That makes so I angry I just want to 01010010101010101010101

@1Happytwit

I don’t know why they invite me to an Easter egg hunt, then freak out when I turn up in camo gear with my rifle.

@Bunnydurden

People who don’t follow you but comment on tweets with ridiculously stupid opinions are just hecklers with all the charm of a pedophile.