@JennyJohnsonHi5

Anyone who believes in cyber-bullying is a huge pussy.

You Might Also Like

@Jlgroove_

Welcome to your 40s, you now think every car has its brights on

@Penis_Zorro

“if anyone has reason why this man and this woman should not be wed speak now or forever hold your peace”
*voice in back*
does he even lift?

@robfee

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is basically Saw, but with desserts.

@ShawnGarrett

Perfecting my gay-nar. It’s an underwater homosexual detector.

@TheThomason

Kid, if you don’t know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don’t deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn’t cry.

@

9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big rack. The 10th prefers the other 9 men.

@weinerdog4life

Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.

@UluwatuSiap

That job interview was going so well until I realized I was fucked up on acid in the middle of a cornfield naked and talking to a scarecrow.

@MrSpoonicorn

*Gandalf rollerblades into the club*
“YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE–
*slips on a drink & lands flat on face* “SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE

@sistersurf

I just read someone’s TL who starred me, forgot who I was reading, starred & RT’d a gazillion RT’s on their TL, ended up in Mexico married.