“Fine, I’m sorry, you win, just, please stop crying.” – my rap battle opponent
Apparently “The WiFi signal is the strongest there” isn’t the right answer when the boss asks “Why are you spending so much time in toilet?”
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You wanna do stuff with toys in bed? Let’s do it; I’ve already got like 3 hot wheels cars and a Barbie in there right now, so….
The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so… I choose sleep.
When you take Google Maps too seriously.
Ever notice when you need to delete a phone app and you get the icons jiggling? They seem all panicky about who’s getting cut from the team
ME: 3 to 2, my serve
M: can I have the ba-
J: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve
M: [exhales] every time
him: I wish you’d talk more during sex.
me: cats have 32 muscles in each ear
him: please don’t speak
Seeing a woman drinking, smoking, and gambling while in her wedding dress makes me realize I need to up my multi-tasking game.
(Disney Dating Tips)
3.Awkward music-filled dates
4.Angry mob danger
-Beauty & the Beast
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.