Hi. My name is Paul. I have a PhD and tenure. Today I decided to test if a bottle of super glue was open by squirting it into my hand.
Then I tried to clean my hand by wiping it on a box.
Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.
Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
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I love birthdays! My boyfriend rented a special hotel room for us to fight in.
The most I’ve ever paid for sex was ‘marriage.’
[nudging the person next to me on the bus until they remove their earbuds]
hey i think i saw a horse a couple miles back
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Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought “damn so easily entertained” then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.
*Cowboy stares at the horizon*
“A storm’s comin”
[In the distance, Darude ‘Sandstorm’ can be heard faintly]
*Cowboy cracks a glowstick*
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
If you’re going to throw someone under the bus, make sure it’s moving.
4: How do you spell no?
Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound?
(Spelling is hard)