Apple Watches your money go into their pocket.

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*everyone stares at me, even Optimus who is drinking oil instead of coffee*


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Bae: come over
Me: I can’t, I’m hanging out with your parents.
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Me: I know. I just… You never listen Susan.


Her: I like long walks on the beach.

Me: Is there WiFi?

Her: Where?

Me: The beach.

Her: What?…No.

Me: We should see other people.