Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE!
*I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*
“are you drunk?”
– everyone’s response when i send a nice text
You Might Also Like
Me: that is hilarious
Me: wait, bread or dead?
Date: how would my parents be bread?
Guys, stop comparing Trump to Hitler. He thinks it’s a compliment. Call him a middle-aged woman or a peaceful Muslim.
“What’s up, doc?” says Bugs Bunny. “Not you,” laughs the doctor. “Take these little blue pills.”
*Looney Tunes music plays*
This snow makes me want to wear a nice sweater by the fireplace and frame my neighbor Gary for murder
covid positive at the same time as ur long distance crush? sars crossed lovers
Weighing up my bread heating options
I showed my kids how to use encyclopedias. I stacked four of them to reach something on the top shelf.
As a kid I was forced to deal with the feelings when my dad went to the store for cigarettes and came back every time.
Mom is closed.