Twitter. Or as I call it: Sinterest.
as a kid, there really wasn’t anything I wanted to be when i grew up. and boy have i nailed it.
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Told my boss I would be turning in my badge and my gun. He said you work in IT, why do you have a gun.
You never really forget how to misquote sayings. It’s like buying a bicycle
but what does Jesus do when he wants to swim
I will not buy ornamental gourds this year!
I WILL NOT BUY GOURDS!
*buys all the gourds (and a hay bale)
GOD: a rat dog
GOD: that whispers to white people
GOD: about the weather
Ugh! You. Are. A. Terrible. Kisser.
If your looking for my tonsils, I had them taken out when I was 8…
Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.
I’m trying to explain to my mother how to get pictures off her phone, while we’re on the phone, and everything is awful.
If taking off your pants doesn’t solve your problems, get different problems.