@IAmKatieOrr
@robdelaney The best ways to spell the name Sean: 1. Sean 2. Shawn 3. Shaun 4. Chone 5. Shnzzang 6. Beans! 7. Ulurion 8. Shon?
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@robdelaney 
@isabelzawtun Bursting from my chair, I pound a fist on the boardroom table. Everyone’s gasps turn to cheers as I lift my hand to reveal the dead mosquito
@Shade510 * has cake for breakfast
* can’t finish afternoon run/calls an Uber
* blames running shoes
@ThatEricAlper 
@KatieDeal99 When your daughter asks “are your snacks more important than me??” you should NOT pause to think.
I know this now.
@JustForHT Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn’t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
@slyoung5 Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
I can accomplish this if I avoid my mother.
@ericsshadow GUY: my new boss is gay
ME: my new bed sheets are warm
GUY: [clearly frustrated] what does that have to do with anything?
ME: exactly
@squirrel74wkgn If you guys know anyone, I’m in the market for a mannequin head that’s missing both eyes and has dark hair…please, no weirdos.
@ChFastweb Your smile is radiant. Close your MOUTH.