[at my grandmas house]
MY GRANDMA (not the grandma whose house we’re at but my other grandma): (to my grandma whose house we are at) hey

You Might Also Like


No one:

My Dad at dinner last night: It takes a lot more to burn off your fingerprints than you would think.


“Honey, the baby sure is fussy. Why don’t we go see a movie after we goto a nice, quiet restaurant?”


[man who won the lottery]: here’s why i think buying lottery tickets is the future of finance 👇🧵


Waiter: and would you like mayonnaise on that?

Wife: Ew, gross.

Me: Why are you making your sex noises at him?


“machines will soon be as smart as people” ok but WHICH people


Talk to your kids about drugs.

Maybe they have better connections than you.


I’m 14 shows into the 1st season of ‘Lost’ & there are SO many mysteries.
I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron


the mechanic said it would be $800 to fix my brakes and I actually thought “how badly do I need them”