THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO ALL THE BROS ON INSTAGRAM WHO CAN’T AFFORD SHIRTS
CW: Hey, I found your Twi…
Me: *jumps out window*
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This guy must be getting annoyed by now
Make someone’s head explode by accusing them of being in denial, then nodding condescendingly as they try to deny it.
Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don’t fall out of a helicopter
Dad: Want a donut?
Dad: *punches my leg* Hurts don’t it lol.
Me: *tasers him* HERTZ DON’T IT LOL.
Teacher: aw what’s this little guy’s name?
Me: laser panther
*Tim Burton slams hands on table*
WTF DO U MEAN THERE ARE OTHER ACTORS BESIDES JOHNNY DEPP & MY WIFE
*turns to Depp*
HOW LONG HAVE U KNOWN
*finds baby on doorstep*
Me: Should…should we keep it?
Wife: …Let’s sleep on it
Me: (wide-eyed) Christ Deborah that’d kill him
Attempted to have a bath. I am 6’2″. The bathtub most certainly is not. I looked like a praying mantis trying to take a nap in an iPod dock.
You wouldn’t write it like that unless you poisoned the firgs