@dshack8

Attention fat vegans:

Explain.

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@withanewname

“Five year plan?”

[shuffles papers]

…written down here somewhere

… Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper

@SmurfetteDE

Hey people – learn to spell!!!

I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk.

@Jfriks_

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid😭😂

@Try2StopME

A Guy Doing Push Ups ‘One.. Two.. Three..’

*A Girl Passes by..*

Guy: “82.. 83.. 84..”

@TeeJayRush

Guys who try to pick up women on Twitter are a bit sad…

Ladies, if you agree, DM me your number so we can talk about it…

@CCRuns

Me: *lights gorgeous smelling candle*

Him: *puts bacon in the oven*

Me: You win

@sloganeerist

People who replace “Christ” with “X” are missing the whole point of what the ChristBox 360 is about.