@schumoo
@heapsOhate *finds own number on a bathroom stall*
Call for a good time!? This is outrageous!
*crosses out good; writes in GREAT*
There. Fixed.
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@heapsOhate 
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@Lola_Areola Tomorrow I think I’ll just walk around restaurants with a clipboard shaking my head & hope they bribe me with free food.
@bridger_w I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that’s what I get for dating a raccoon.
@HomeProbably Everyone buries their problems in different ways.
I bury them alive because killing people is wrong.
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Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94
Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
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@YuckyTom toilet is the exact right word for that thing bro all i do on there is toil
@ericsshadow Winning an argument with a woman is like getting 1st prize in a “who wants to sleep on the couch” contest.