@iAmDelFreaky

Axl Rose: Where do we go?

Me: Left

Axl: Where do we go now?

Me: Straight.

Axl: Oh, where do we go now?

Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

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@MariyaAlexander

Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait…

@bossy_bootz

Me : It’s over & nothing you say will make me change my mind

Him : ‘I just ordered a large thin crust’

Me : Be there in 10 min

@jus4golf

My daughter wants a smart car for her 16th birthday. She thinks it will do her geometry homework.

@AmericanGent69

My 6 year old came into the bathroom while I was using it to tell me she hates it when the dog comes into the bathroom when she’s using it.

@kimtopher22

There’s no graceful way to shove a chocolate truffle in your mouth during an important Zoom meeting.

@BrianIncognito

I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats.
* pew pew *

@jonnysun

i did it God! i finaly got 2 of evry animal
NOAH.THEY HAVE TO BE ALIVE
*noah looks at boat full of dead animals*
do u kno how long this took