@StcyBnsn

Back seat drivers are all the same..
“Why we going into the woods?” “Let me out”

You Might Also Like

@fabulouscop

*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school*
*teacher walks towards man*
“are you expecting a child?”
“no thats from all the beer”

@Elizasoul80

How to get a guys attention:

1. Take off your shirt
2. Be a TV

@TeaAndCopy

MAKE Easter easier by replacing the ‘t’ with an ‘i’.

@breatheandlove

If you’re using YOLO to justify doing something stupid, remember you only DIE once too.

Inspirational tweet.

@abbycohenwl

*releases helium-filled heart balloon*
Me: You’re free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird

@weedguy420boner

one time I saw a guy playing with a yoyo walk into a street sign. I laughed so hard that it changed me. It changed everything.

@Andee_Stewart

Me: [frog emoji]
Him: [turtle]
Me: [monkey]
Him: [pig]
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?
Him: What? No! Here [dog]
Me: GREAT SO NOW I’M A BITCH?

@jus4golf

No kid, you don’t have it hard. When I was a kid we had to eat without camera phones.

@lovemydogduck

The best way to tell someone you don’t like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.

@Social_Mime

*calls restaurant*

Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant?

Host: Of course it is sir

*hangs up*