
*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school*
*teacher walks towards man*
“are you expecting a child?”
“no thats from all the beer”
*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school*
*teacher walks towards man*
“are you expecting a child?”
“no thats from all the beer”
How to get a guys attention:
1. Take off your shirt
2. Be a TV
MAKE Easter easier by replacing the ‘t’ with an ‘i’.
If you’re using YOLO to justify doing something stupid, remember you only DIE once too.
Inspirational tweet.
*releases helium-filled heart balloon*
Me: You’re free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird
one time I saw a guy playing with a yoyo walk into a street sign. I laughed so hard that it changed me. It changed everything.
Me: [frog emoji]
Him: [turtle]
Me: [monkey]
Him: [pig]
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?
Him: What? No! Here [dog]
Me: GREAT SO NOW I’M A BITCH?
No kid, you don’t have it hard. When I was a kid we had to eat without camera phones.
The best way to tell someone you don’t like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.
*calls restaurant*
Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant?
Host: Of course it is sir
*hangs up*