Noah’s wife: r u joking right now?
Noah: my hands are tied babe
Noah’s Wife: but.. we’re married?
Noah: I’m sorry but he said 2 of each species
Noah’s mate Dave: [pushing past with an xbox] If only there was another way
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
You Might Also Like
“Hey baby, what dat mouff do?”
It eats. It eats a lot. That’s what.
“What’s your favourite Pixar film?”
“No need to be like that I was only asking”
“Mum I think I’m pregnant. ”
“Are you drunk?”
“How do you know?”
“A mother knows everything, Kevin.”
I love you and all but I’d push you into oncoming traffic for a large pizza and a Twix.
Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch?
Oscar: Growing up, my parents were-
*stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle*
CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.
[end of interview]
Any questions for me?
Yes. Why didn’t the glass slipper also disappear at midnight?
YOU ARE SO HIRED.
ME: The word “thief” should be spelled “theif” or we should change how it is pronounced to “thigh-ff” but “thief” always seems incorrect.
COP: While I agree with you, you are still extremely under arrest, lol.
If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.
Adam: got it.
G: but it stand still a lot.
G: on one leg.
A: how high are you?
G: make it pink.