Batman: “Shall we watch a film?”
Superman: “Have you got Cape Fear?”
Batman: “Only in revolving doors. Now, a film?”

You Might Also Like


[emailing eHarmony match]
Her: describe yourself
Me: brown hair, kinda stalky
Her: lol you mean stocky
Me [through her bedroom window]: No


You never really forget how to misquote sayings. It’s like buying a bicycle


Always a bit depressed when I pass my ex’s house and see that it still hasn’t burned to the ground.


Thanks for the reply to my tweet from 2013, champ. I’ll be sure to take your advice.


You wouldn’t believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.


Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can’t truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems.


I always carry a piece of paper with me, just in case someone tries to attack me with a rock.


This burned out sign has given me the permission I need to take care of my neighborhood grocer once and for all


They’re not all brilliant, but they’re all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.


Decided to use the classic celebrity break up picture torn in half method to announce that my cat no longer likes these treats.