A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make for love.
“Be cool, it’s the cops” I said to my 3 cats I dressed up like robbers as my other 3 cats came out of the kitchen dressed like policemen
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BOSS: Don’t just stand there.
ME: Bust a move?
ME: Nothing, I’ll go make some copies.
[4 strangers are smearing their bodily fluids on each other]
[one turns to camera] “There has to be a better way.”
VOICEOVER: “Hot tubs.”
No Olympian will ever be better at medaling than the gang on Scooby Doo.
I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I’m breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries
Anyone know the second rule of fight club?
I’m not doubting that you’re 1/8th Pond People, but this is a research paper. You can’t cite “BOG WISDOM”
How to open a letter:
1. Carefully remove seal
2. Slide your finger unde–okay the seal is back GET THAT SEAL OUT OF THE ROOM NO SEALS ALLO
Hey, your parents conceived you the same year my parents conceived me, let us be friends! High school is stupid.
Calling Sony comments”racially insensitive remarks” instead of “racist”? U can put a cherry on a pile of sh*t but it don’t make it a sundae.