@ozzyunc
@ChrisHallbeck How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
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@ChrisHallbeck 
@i_Lean My boyfriend calls me “babe” because “pig in the city” is such a mouthful to say.
@UncleDuke1969 squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
@JimmerThatisAll Don’t talk to me about multiple universes I have enough trouble keeping this one running.
@carlawh Yes, I DO think “did you bring my pizza?” is an acceptable answer when you’re in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door.
@wolfpupy “i wouldnt be caught dead” someone throws a net over my dead corpse “gotcha!!” “noooo”
@DanMentos [first date]
“Tell me two interesting things about yourself”
well I lie when I’m nervous…
“ok…”
and I invented oatmeal
@StarWarsProblms Obi-wan: You don’t have a shot with Padmé.
Anakin: Don’t underestimate my charm.
*stares at her creepily for the rest of the movie*
@SabotagedSmoke Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he’s holding my hand & crying about his childhood.
I need to wipe.
@DartsBofficial Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there’s less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There’s no drama & I don’t have to wear pants.”