@MarfSalvador
@hamishblake Would love to see a reality show where they promise the prize will “change contestants lives FOREVER”…and it’s a brain swap with a cow.
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@hamishblake 
@Rollinintheseat “It started out with a Kiss, how did it end up like this?”- Me, after eating an entire bag of Hershey’s chocolate.
@_Water_Baby Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?
Tequila, I’m looking at you.
@DairylandDon Life isn’t about the moments that take our breath away. That’s asthma. You’re thinking of asthma.
@HlaoRoo Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing?
Yeah, me neither.
@SaraThomas84 I’m convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB
@LaLuchaNix I just watched Grease and it makes me sad how kids today are too lazy to buy matching leather jackets and smoke cigarettes.
@mompsychologist 3yo: *follows me into bathroom*
Me: “Privacy, please”
3yo: “Oh, right” *closes door*
“Now we have privacy, Mommy”
@manofletterz Am I the only one that still asks barking dogs if there’s someone stuck at the bottom of a well?
@OblivionDream The deadliest weapon is the mind. Unless you got a sword or something. Or a gun. If you have a gun, that’s definitely the best choice.