bella waking up at the end of breaking dawn part 1
You Might Also Like
The movie ‘Up’ is utter bullshit. I tied 57,000 balloons to my house & my wife didn’t die.
What’s it called when you wake up and have to delete 73% of your tweets from last night. Alcohol, it’s called alcohol.
Do you think in a parallel universe they just call it parking?
Luggage is like children. If you leave the airport with two out of three suitcases you did alright.
9yo: That looks heavy.
Me: It is.
9yo: I could help you.
Me: Thanks.
9yo: [runs away]
Me: Where are you going??
9yo: To tell Mommy that you need some help.
I’m 38 and still have no idea what to do with my hands while I’m being arrested.
Next time my 5 y/o says “Daddy, guess what?”, I’m going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years.
Gas is so cheap right now, I just buy a new car when I run out.
“Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn’t have stolen all your jewelry.”
Have you ever had to call the landlord to ask for some caulk? How would you word that?