Best translation fail. The arabic spells out a transliteration of ‘meat ball’ in English – which sounds like ‘mayit baul’, or Dead Paul.
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While humans carry out social distancing, a group of 14 elephants broke into a village in Yunan province, looking for corn and other food. They ended up drinking 30kg of corn wine and got so drunk that they fell asleep in a nearby tea garden. 😂❤️
*overheard in women’s bathroom*
I think there’s a guy in here.
[the purge alarm blares in the distance]
ME: *adds a 13th item in the express line at the grocery store*
inside you there are two wolves. one snores like “honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo.” the other one snores like “hooooonk mi mi mi”
“I’m frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat” is what I said.
“You’re also gonna be helping me move my piano” is what I meant.
Who has 3 thumbs and needs an alibi?
Pet peeve. Toilets that flush 4 me the moment I stand. I’d like to see the work I’ve done before it’s violently ripped from my view. #life
MMORPG NPCs will be like “My wife was killed by wild boars, help me avenge her!” despite the fact there are like 10,000+ priests and clerics running around who can literally resurrect people at any given time.
So, apparently, avid cyclists don’t like it when you call them “pedalphiles.”
Necessity is the mother of Invention.
And there are also lots of other people in my family with stupid names.
*turns on ceiling fan*
Oh shit my stamp collection
Apparently, “No kidding!” isn’t a good response when your boss says he’s confused.
We’d like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair
i mentioned that my parents have been married 40 years and my gf was like “wow, i wonder what it would be like to love someone for 40 years” and it’s like, just to be clear, my parents wouldn’t know
ME: *taking their hand* It’s okay. We all struggle with connecting.
RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*
Cop: license and registration.
Me: I don’t carry my drivers license so I don’t lose it.
Cop: where is it?
Me: I have absolutely no idea.
DOCTOR SNAIL: *out of breath* I got here as fast as I could. How’s the patient?
NURSE: *Pointing to a skeleton in the bed* Not good
I keep the peace. As a hoarder, I keep pretty much everything.
Just used the phrase “my good coat hanger”, if you’re wondering if I have a Swiss Bank Account.
They say don’t eat when you’re bored but I never get bored of eating so I think I’m good.
INTERVIEWER: that’s not what I meant by “what’s your strong suit”
ME: oh *putting shirt back on over superman costume* I’m quite good at excel
“Sir you can’t bring your dog onto the plane”
[labradoodle puts on tiny pilot hat]
“Omg captain I’m so sorry”
13: can I play video games?
ME: yep
WIFE: nope
ME: absolutely not go think about what you’ve done don’t look at me in that tone of voice
Being distracted for the entirety of the Zoom call if your own hair happens to look particularly nice today.
If Canada takes over the world we’re all going to be sorry.
*queen’s gambit*
dad: knight takes queen
daughter: *3D prints new queen*
i absolutely refuse to drink any tap water till it’s gone though my brita filter that i haven’t changed in 5 years
Coworker: You look tired.
Me: Apparently I also look approachable but I’m really not.
The problem of guns in schools would be eliminated if society finally had the courage to outlaw schools.
Obi-Wan: it’s over, Anakin. i have learned how to stave off a mountain lion attack
Anakin: you underestimate my power
Obi-Wan; *raises arms above his head in order to appear larger, begins to scream*