GUARD 1: that guy’s CRAZY *gestures to Joker’s cell*
JOKER: *using Bing instead of Google*
GUARD 2: *whispers* holy shit
Beyoncé: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at – wait what is it called again?
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Two mushrooms in a forest.
One says: “Hi, how are you?”
The other replies: “Shut up, mushrooms can’t talk!”
Lmao at people who ‘play Devil’s advocate’ like Lucifer doesn’t already own all the lawyers.
Hulk Hogan tries to quietly rip his shirt off during a funeral.
Imagine me with poor grammar. Wrong. Worser.
A salesman knocked on my door today.
“Who currently provides your Internet?” he asked.
I said, “My next door neighbour.”
[creating the armadillo]
GOD: I want a half turtle,
G: Half pig,
A: Okay, I’m on it-
G: Half anteater
A: …Are u drunk
wife *resting after surgery*
me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn’t have any that said “Get Well Soon”
If you watch The Titanic backwards.. It’s about a magical boat that saves people.
pretty sure the fire pigeons aren’t gonna care about your silly little sign