
“hello pretty lady.” [i slide down the bar] “what’s your name?” i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
“hello pretty lady.” [i slide down the bar] “what’s your name?” i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
Guys, are you sure it’s a good idea to bring up proof of ownership?
[meeting at the headquarters of literally any app]
good morning everyone, let’s get started. the first and only item on our agenda is, how do we make this app worse
So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?
Yelp Review: Babies
Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend.
Cat that has never been so insulted in all nine of its lives of the day.
My dad is a superhero. But without a costume because costumes are expensive and do you think he’s made of money?
My aunt unfriended me on Facebook so I can guarantee you that I will bring it up and ruin Thanksgiving this year.
Suddenly had the urge to lay on the floor and do stomach crunches.
Then I found some bubble wrap and that urge went away.
BEARDED DRAGON: So, what do you think?
SMAUG: Get rid of it. You look ridiculous.