@galbeckerman File under excellent bookstore names.
@jferg1616 Boss: “We are all going to have a bunch of Red Bull, bust out the chest of Adderall, be laser focused for about 4 hours, then die.”
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@galbeckerman 
@TechnicallyRon Remember if a company says “we’re like a family here” they don’t mean like a nice TV family they mean like a normal family where everyone has undiagnosed mental health issues and no one likes each other.
@thegallowboob its that time of the year again, don’t forget to hang your missile toads
@Reverend_Scott I only drink Smart Water now.
I think it’s really helping my…
my head thinking thingie.
@JackMackenroth Lately I’ve been getting in touch with my inner self.
I really need to switch to a better brand of toilet paper.
@JimmerThatisAll “Open the pod bay doors, Hal.”
“I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“What’s the problem?”
“l think you know what the problem is just as well as l do.”
“Squirrels in the plasma propulsion system?”
“Again.”
“Dammit.”
@Marlebean “If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus.”
What I actually said:
“Yes, Claire, you’re makeup looks lovely today!”
@QueenVofCoffee Me: I need to start buying gifts for people; Christmas is coming up.
Also me: *buying myself a Burr Coffee Grinder* I’m technically people, so….
@MazenElzanaty Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
@SomthinBoutSara My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn’t destroy my phone