Both her name and her living situation suggests that the dwarves MAY have been referring to Snow White when they sang, ‘high ho.’
You Might Also Like
instead of texting “on my way” im a just send this
Turns out a cop hates a surprise hug
Monday again. I just knew this would happen
If your Tetris high score doesn’t excite me, you’re not loading my dishwasher
I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.
I’m terrified of all my friends with babies learning that I’ve separately texted each of them: “Wow! That’s the best baby I’ve ever seen!”
Ever notice how a piece of lint on a sheet can look like a scary insect?
Unrelated, is anyone selling a mattress? Mine is on fire.
To make a long story short:
Hamlet: Everyone dies
Macbeth: Everyone dies
Titanic: Everyone dies
Twilight: You want to die
ME: i have a separate stomach for dessert haha
COW: amateur
My idiot doctor tried to tell me I had a concussion, so I told him triangle bananas.
My grandma tries to avoid her neighbor who has a crush on her. This is the exchange they just had:
Him: have you eaten dinner yet
Her: I don’t eat
Don’t spend money on body modification. If you wait long enough, your body modifies itself for free.
Who names their kid Russell? Like hey kid you’re a noise. Look after your sister kurplop boing
NASA: *clicks talk button* You folks are probably gonna wanna stay up there for a while
speed dating but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food
Make her feel like she’s the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
43 Hacks That Will Help You Cut Down a Christmas Tree
Wife is angry because “somebody” dripped grape jelly onto the dog’s head.
It feels very accusatory.
ME [yelling down into a volcano]: You shut your stupid Earth mouth
I think I may have screwed up. When I saw on here how the ladies liked the dad bod I went and got 3.
I love using food in the bedroom!
But, when it comes to wearing a condiment…
I mayo may not.
If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it’s best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad
It never fails every time my house is a disaster my Mother-in-Law will stop by just because she “saw my car in the driveway.”
Him: I’d go to the end of the world for you!
Me: Well… what are you waiting for then?
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
4-year-old: *puts on ballerina dress*
*puts on ballerina shoes*
*puts on ballerina tiara*
Me: Who are you supposed to be?
4: A ninja.
When a cop pulls me over I lick my lips and say, “Can I show you something sexy to get out of this ticket?,” then I open my center console full of snacks.
[late to work]
boss: well ??
me: (panicking) uhh my car got stuck in the suez canal
[to the tune of little drummer boy]
baaaaby shaaark, doo
doo doo doo doo doo
I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.