@Jermaine1st At Twitter HQ
J: Users haven’t complained in a while, what’s going on?
Devs: Oh, we’ve got just the thing
*releases update
@tigersgoroooar Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You’re welcome, girls.
You Might Also Like
@Jermaine1st 
@internetluke GOD: welcome to Heaven I will answer any question you want now.
ME: why does Target have 25 checkout lanes with only 2 always open?
GOD: …
@metickleu Accurate description of my life right now. My fitness instructor asked me,what type of squat are you accustom to doing?
I said ‘diddly’
@EmmaManzini A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
@TheWoodenslurpy I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What’s not to like?
@david8hughes My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it’d take 2 days to come up with the money.
@timdonakowski You get to sleep all day, cat, that’s why I get the good food.
@ICagbanusi I was up all night reading about insomnia
@cwhudson [couple who talks via walkie talkie]
GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over
GUY: *cries into walkie* it’s roger isn’t it?? over
@Not_From_Troy I am having an out of money experience.