@clintoris I don’t think a lot of people remember the psychological grip Nutella had on the American psyche in the early 2010s… It became its own governing body at one point
@SondraDeeMe Boyfriend’s on the phone talking to a guy about lattes and his love of peach scones.
I’m on the couch wondering when our periods synced.
You Might Also Like
@clintoris 
@XplodingUnicorn The Wicked Witch was only evil because of her awful sex life. Ladies, you’d be pissed off, too, if getting even a little wet would kill you.
@AmericanGent69 Me: *leads her to bedroom* This is where the magic happens.
Her: Nice
*4 rabbits jump out of a hat as a flower squirts water in her eye
@skittle624 Dear Cool People, they didn’t name a candy after you, did they? Love, Nerds.
@ReeseButCallMeV I just cleaned out my purse. So, I’ll be having a garage sale later this afternoon.
@CherBear162 I would never get a minivan because I can’t even think of 7 people I’d want to be stuck in a vehicle with.
@Shariv67 Tonight I’m going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I’ll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.
@MavenofHonor Before the invention of the automobile, you had to put roller skates on your horse
@urmumsausername Now I lay me down to sleep
I hope you like this and retweet
If I should die before I wake
I may have eaten too much cake
@4ndbest [Crime scene]
Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was
*takes off sunglasses*
D: blunt force trauma