@RexHuppke

BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you’re old enough to leave North Dakota

You Might Also Like

@YearOfRat

I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.

@Hormonella

This bank app is great for checking account activity!

Also comes in handy when you just need a reason to cry.

@IamEnidColeslaw

my favorite game is called “Secret Family.” I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me

@TwistdidMind

I can tell I’m watching too much porn when I’m filling up w/ gas & just before the nozzle clicks off I pull it out and spray it on the car.

@MoistPork

Just once, I’d ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I’m driving, especially considering I’ve had 12 beers.

@JasonNotEvil

I put on skinny jeans today and look like a watermelon on stilts

@StumblerTop

What’s that thing called when your crush likes you back? oh yeah imagination

@torrami

So when two guys get super friendly it’s bromantic, but what about two girls? Can we make homantic a thing? Or ‘gina buddies or something?

@robdelaney

A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.

@

I hate being bipolar it’s awesome