britain’s three elite institutions
You Might Also Like
Y’all ever flex on vampires by just walking into people’s homes uninvited
I didn’t get you a gift bag, I LENT you a gift bag. Now get your crap out of it and give it back without any crinkles.
[Funeral]
Me: “Do you mind if I say a word?”
Widow: “Please do”
Me *clears throat: “Plethora!”
Widow: “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Get a puppy,” they said.
“It will be fun,” they said.I got 4 hours of sleep.
My foto for you
I hope you are a good girl
Your foto look nice#haiku
Please lower gas prices, I’m not built for onlyfans
me: my new book is fantastic
friend: can i borrow it when you’re done?
me: you can’t color it in twice
Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.
Am I the only one who was a kid in the 80’s that thought I would have more life challenges dealing with quicksand and lava?
Wife: Have you seen my razor?
Me: [with only one eyebrow] I have not