@Home_Halfway

Bruce Wayne’s poop is not only crazy, it’s batshit

You Might Also Like

@DocBrown21

My next tattoo will be “helvetica” written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her

@dril

the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now

@OtherDanOBrien

*Detective stands over murder victim*
This looks like a case of…
*Takes off sunglasses*
*Removes contacts*
*Brushes teeth*
*Goes to bed*

@MNateShyamalan

bringing a sharpie to IKEA and adding more dots to the names of their products

@StumblerTop

What’s that thing called when your crush likes you back? oh yeah imagination

@freedomtosee

“If you started at 16 and work until you’re 23.
That would give you 10 years of experience.”
Back to school for you My friend!

@twelveyearsold

ghost, are we friends?
*ouija board spells out “SURE”
do you suppose we could ever be… well, more than that?
*ghost favs but doesn’t reply*

@JasonLastname

If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won’t get another chance like this.

@Carter_TCB

I love strippers. They’re awesome. Plus I can’t get my girlfriend to do shit for a dollar.

@TrueQuixote

The first Hobbit movie was half the book. The second, about a quarter. In the sixth instalment, the group has a 3 hour breakfast and a nap.