@IamJackBoot

Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

You Might Also Like

@bewgtweets

Me: *sneaking to the kitchen for a late night snack*

Hardwood floors: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

Afraid to fly? It’s perfectly safe except that air traffic controllers are all gov’t employees forced to work the holidays.
Merry Xmas.

@TheRolo

[Rumpelstiltskin comes to take first born son]

“Give me what you promised unless you can guess my name”

Here

“Aren’t you going to guess?”

@VeganZebra

WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could’ve used the word ‘bloodthirsty’ a little less

@chrissyteigen

Everyone should release their taxes because I cannot read them understand them anyhow

@donni

He was a man of peace…until they burned down his village. Now, the quest for vengeance has turned him into…A Man Of Burning Things Down

@russissippi

when your baby starts crawling on the ceiling how do you get it down