@MomWithNoPlan

But have you tried crying about it?
-Toddlers

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@SortaBad

Last month my mom asked what “af” meant and I said it meant “like REALLY something” without saying what it stood for

@AnkCoupleTO

“I’m so sorry”

“No, I’m really sorry”

“No, I’m even sorrier than you”

“No, I’m the sorriest ever!”

*mutual hug*

-Canadian rap battle

@DulciePlaid

When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.

@Cheeseboy22

One thing you learn how to quickly do as a parent is to pretend to not have any money when you walk by vending machines.

@Duke1173

As I get older and continue to meet new people… I realize that swallowing should be more of a thing.

@RadWizzy

[runs thru the funeral chasing a bagpipe player]

“Stop hurting that octopus!”

@flashember

[1st Day after wildebeests take over]
I’m safe in my house
[Day 7]
Thought I heard clattering
[Day 21]
THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES

@BrdnHatesYou

*beats arachnophobia*

*trips over child dressed as Spider-Man*

*fears spiders again*