How does one “schmooze”, and what is it? It sounds like tissue paper may be necessary
By the power vested in me by my credit card, I now pronounce you my new fluffy hat. You may now hug my head.
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Aww you passed out, let’s see what you’ve got in your wallet, shall we?
Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh… 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!
As the pair of scissors steps up to the starting line, the other runners quickly realize that this race just got a whole lot more dangerous.
The sacred texts.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that’s over with.
My head feels like something Picasso would have drawn.
I can’t get out of bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and If I leave now I might lose their trust.
I followed the link to your résumé but it brought me to some website called FunnyTweeter..? Anyway Im laughin my butt off, youre hired dude
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi