“Can I get a do-over?” – Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life….

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Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs…


I’m a girl that your mother could love. From a distance. Maybe you just show her a picture, and make a lot of shit up.


How to get a guys attention:

1. Take off your shirt
2. Be a TV


My favorite pastime is roasting marshmallows over the bridges I burn.


Are my affairs in order? What, like chronologically or alphabetically or largest to smallest? Because then still no.


Mulder: we’re trapped with ghosts in the stomach of a metal worm.
Scully: those are just people, Mulder. We’re on a train.


Just convinced my Mom she won’t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn’t see Teen Wolf first. Please play along.


For Lent I’ve decided to give up my New Year’s Resolutions, now pass the Girl Scout Cookies.


The perennially hyped name “Super Moon” insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.


Can we stop calling it ‘Breaking news’ and start calling it ‘bloody hell what now’