@kennyflorian

Can’t trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake.

You Might Also Like

@ecareyo

Do you think Jesus described his hair color as light blonde or summer wheat?

@robfee

House Hunters:
“Well I gotta be near the beach. A heliport would be a plus. I need 9 bedrooms, an IMAX theater & a moat. My budget is $314.”

@CulturedRuffian

I’m white, but not cage free range eggs in my quinoa-kale quiche for my gluten, lactose, and peanut free Sunday brunch white.

@UncleDuke1969

Been coming here every day for six years and I’m starting to lose hope.

@joeljeffrey

I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.

@TheAlexNevil

12: Can I have $20?
Me: I think you mean borrow
12: I don’t think that’s what I mean

@chuuew

DR: So, you’re 36 years old, 4 foot tall & sound like a woman. How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?
BART: I don’t know where my hair starts

@SufficientCharm

*Squatting over cat litter box*

Husband: What the fu-

Me: THERE’S A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM

@weinerdog4life

Serious Question: Can I get a moustache by kissing another guy with a moustache?

@VaguelyFunnyDan

Holy shit a street psychic just stopped me & said I’m a special person who cares deeply about some things & I’m freaking ’cause that’s SO me