older coworker: i made a cake to celebrate the 25th anniversary of my divorce!
younger coworker: wow, you’ve been divorced longer than i’ve been alive
older coworker: you don’t get any cake
Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again
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How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question
“How do you pronounce quinoa?”
[it’s just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another
You’re a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren’t you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that’s also a liar?
With sufficient velocity, any object can be an effective weapon. Unfortunately this kitten is not cooperating.
hackers play passwordle
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Mark Zuckerberg has the right to your firstborn male child. You agreed to this when you played FarmVille in 2009.