@fro_vo

Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again

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@Skoog

older coworker: i made a cake to celebrate the 25th anniversary of my divorce!

younger coworker: wow, you’ve been divorced longer than i’ve been alive

everyone:

everyone:

everyone:

older coworker: you don’t get any cake

@mamapjs1

She died as she lived. Listening to the story of what her kid watched on YouTube that day.

@kendragaylord

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

@Thynebear

I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question
“How do you pronounce quinoa?”
[it’s just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another

@Kyle_Lippert

You’re a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren’t you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that’s also a liar?

@junejuly12

With sufficient velocity, any object can be an effective weapon. Unfortunately this kitten is not cooperating.

@Smooheed

One day I’d like to be able to exit a room without everyone simultaneously exclaiming “dear god, what just happened”

@Rschooley

Mark Zuckerberg has the right to your firstborn male child. You agreed to this when you played FarmVille in 2009.