This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the “Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen” that should confuse her for a while.
Cashier: Such a GREAT day…how’s your weekend?
Me: *slides tampons across counter*
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I forgot the word for decaf so called it a despresso
Her: Mmm, you smell nice, what’s that cologne?
Me: Oh, something French and expensive. I wanted to impress you.
Cat: It’s Febreze-scented cat litter dust from changing my litter box.
Me: You’re a really shitty wingman, Felix.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
OF COURSE IT’S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.
Everyone has a flat stomach. The L is just silent for some.
“Let’s walk over there” “ok” -couple a cows
We’ve come full circle
Smashing piñatas blindfolded but it’s just me being outside during the flying insect seasons.