Cashier: Such a GREAT day…how’s your weekend?

Me: *slides tampons across counter*

Cashier: Nevermind…

You Might Also Like


This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the “Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen” that should confuse her for a while.


Her: Mmm, you smell nice, what’s that cologne?

Me: Oh, something French and expensive. I wanted to impress you.

Cat: It’s Febreze-scented cat litter dust from changing my litter box.

Me: You’re a really shitty wingman, Felix.


My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.


OF COURSE IT’S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.


Everyone has a flat stomach. The L is just silent for some.


Smashing piñatas blindfolded but it’s just me being outside during the flying insect seasons.