@KirstenCatClub

Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: No. I’m getting everything like an easter egg hunt, I just wanted to show you what I’ve got so far.

You Might Also Like

@heatherlou_

If his selfie doesn’t make you kegal, you’re just not that into him.

@GrowlyGrego

FIRED? But I just started! How could I have known we don’t do casual Fridays here? Fine. Direct your own goddamn funeral. *flip-flops away*

@cherryzigzags

I don’t have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend that I do; I just stand in my room screaming “That’s not what I said!”

@thatdutchperson

Me: yeah, I’m not going to make it in today.

Boss:of course, this snow is crazy.

Me: Snow?

@The1WhosCrazy

“MEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH THE GREEKS & MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL”

“Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse”

“Oh rad bring it in”

@Home_Halfway

Wait…you said JAZZ hands? Oh god. I totally misheard you. Please get me a towel.

@anerdonfire2

Look dude, I’m going to need to see alot more chest hair and jewelry if you want into my Disco party

@nsturden

Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they’re talking?

@CatherineinAL

“This one’s cute.” – me picking out a watermelon.

I have no idea what I’m doing.