Cats REALLY hate dryers.
However, Patches has Never looked this fluffy

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Be a firefighter they said,
Rescue kittens & throw them into fire they said,
Youre misinformed they said,
We’re calling the police they said



“@funTweeters: @River_Niles Your tweet was published in “


The bad news: I shaved off my beard.

The good news: none of my co-workers recognize me and have stopped talking to me.


Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive.


My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting “LOL” on relationship statuses on Facebook.


Another day another opportunity to tell my toddler that if she doesn’t want to see my nose boogers she could try not looking up my nostrils.


Little known fact:
Henry Ford called it an automobile because “Horse with no Name” sounded stupid.


“Miley Cyrus: ‘Society Wants to Shut Me Down'”. Not down, Miley. Up.