There’s an old sheet of paper in the Batcave with “Carrier pigeons” “Carrier bats (??)” “Morse code” crossed out, and “Searchlight” circled.
Clean tweeting is liberating. You don’t need profanity to make a point. Look:
Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy.
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If by high maintenance you mean she looks like a stoned janitor, then yeah, she’s high maintenance.
‘Pizza Hut, can I take your order?’
Me: ‘May I speak with the owl, please?’
Me: ‘Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.’
Since Justin Bieber has the “Beliebers” and Lady Gaga has the “Little Monsters” I’d like to name Robin Thicke’s fans “Thickeheads.”
America: We are free from the British, what should we do first?
Someone in the back of the crowd: Let’s change our spelling
Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I’ll just sign up with a different name. They can’t silence the truth.
Relationship status: I shout “PIZZA’S HERE” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating two pizzas by myself.
BOSS: OK! Who smashed a hole through the wall?!
[Everyone in the office stares at me, even the Kool-Aid man]
Biden: Maybe we make our own country and he won’t be invited
Biden: And MAYBE THIS TIME WE CALL IT THE BLACK HOUSE RIGHT BARACK
Things were going well with my date, until she noticed my Roomba was a Frisbee glued to a bunch of rats