[Super Villain Team Tryouts]
COACH: Tell me what you can do
MAGNETO: I can manipulate metal
LOKI: I’m a god
THE PENGUIN (shoving his way to the front): I LIKE PENGUINS!
Codpieces aren’t supposed to made out of fish? Crap! Hang on, then, I need to change.
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“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my Sven.” -Kristoff
Explained to my 9 yo how programming works:
1. You have something you want to do.
2. You write code to do it.
3. The code doesn’t work.
4. You fix the mistakes.
5. When the program works, you realize your idea was wrong.
6. You fix the idea.
7. Goto 2.
“Enjoying your day off?” – what Jewish people say to each other on Christmas.
Tomorrow is Jesus’ birthday. I got him an Xbox. Keeping it at my house until I see him.
COP: Did you know you were speeding?
ME: I didn’t even know I was driving
“I need to get laid man!”
– eggs (in the chicken)
“We don’t dry dishes, Mom, that’s air’s job” annoying kid logic that you’re secretly proud of.
*bolts upright in bed, instantly wide awake in the middle of the night*
“FIRE TRUCKS SHOULD BE CALLED WATER TRUCKS”