Isn’t anyone here that can fake a football convo like me:
“He’s showing signs of improving”
“He’s a beast”
“He just has to keep those interceptions low”
“It’s been a wild season”
“Yeah they’re so stacked”
“Yeah that offensive line”
Lol I don’t know shit about football.
Manager: Start the fog machine!
Me: *gulps* Fog?
*hundreds of frogs start falling on crowd
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*brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*
Finding a guy to marry who is rich enough to pay off my debt, but not so rich he wants a prenup is, like, so much harder than I anticipated.
BREAKING: Pot calls kettle “black”. “Racial tension at boiling point” says mayor of kitchen cupboard
Man reading a book: hot
Man with a baby: hot
Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded.
This is nice.
This is also pretty cool.
Oh okay this is my favorite.
We get ground beef from cows and sky beef from birds
Two heads aren’t better than one if you’re both stupid.
BARTENDER: the usual?
*bartender hands me a shot glass full of chocolate chips*