@BCMontgo [concert venue]
Manager: Start the fog machine!
Me: *gulps* Fog?
*hundreds of frogs start falling on crowd
@TheRealPalMal Isn’t anyone here that can fake a football convo like me:
“He’s showing signs of improving”
“He’s a beast”
“He just has to keep those interceptions low”
“It’s been a wild season”
“Yeah they’re so stacked”
“Yeah that offensive line”
Lol I don’t know shit about football.
@Kyle_Lippert *brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*
@thetigersez Finding a guy to marry who is rich enough to pay off my debt, but not so rich he wants a prenup is, like, so much harder than I anticipated.
@Fred_Delicious BREAKING: Pot calls kettle “black”. “Racial tension at boiling point” says mayor of kitchen cupboard
@tlcprincess Man reading a book: hot
Man with a baby: hot
Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded.
@LadyBroseph *sits*
This is nice.
*stands*
This is also pretty cool.
*lays down*
Oh okay this is my favorite.
@trouteyes 
@SkinnerSteven We get ground beef from cows and sky beef from birds
@PeaceInTruth1 Two heads aren’t better than one if you’re both stupid.
@TheTimmyToes BARTENDER: the usual?
ME: *nods*
*bartender hands me a shot glass full of chocolate chips*
